About a girl named Bethelynn who starts it all

[Swann] (Chapter 1) The End Of The Beginning

Bethelynn Swann.

She repeated her name a hundred times over in her head, making sure she was still herself. While she mumbled, the bumpy highway made her stomach churn and was was glad she had downed a few motion sickness pills. She could almost feel the friction of the smooth black tires against the concrete and hear the tiny gray pebbles whisper their sad songs. The taxi driver, who was covered in pale age spots and had a large bald oval on his head nodded his head in the direction of the wood sign that announced their arrival into the sleepy town of Twinbrook. The blue paint was chipped on the T and B and a bush overran the rest of the cursive. Already there was a thick layer of dirt covering the road and filtering through the air.

“You sure a kid like you is ready for this old Boonie town?” His salt colored eyebrows knit together and Bethelynn sent back a reassured smile that even surprised herself in it’s authenticity.

“I’m actually not quite sure it is.” She raised her head to the window and saw the clear and menacing water of the lake. She settled back in so she would only see through the windshield and steadied herself quietly. “But even so, I know this is the place I have to go.”

The leather interior did nothing to calm her nerves. Bethelynn felt baked to the seat, sweat already drenching her thin green blouse. Just seeing that same old sun made her think of all those endless Summers. She could feel the slight bump that signaled they were on the famous Twinbrook bridge. Beth just bowed her head deeper into the familiar romance novel that was keeping only half of her attention. The water below her demanded her thoughts and her tenseness about it alerted the driver once again.

“I’ll give you a ride back to Sunset Valley for free. Just tell me. I wanna help you.” His tone was forlorn and compassionate, a mix that irritated Beth to the point of anger.

“I already said no thank you. Now please excuse me while I read my novel.”

He just grumbled and only muttered again when they pulled up to a large plain of grass that only had a few springs of wild grasses and  patches of daisies. Bethelynn was caught off guard when the engine seized and the radio, which was carrying the signal of a country ballad, went silent. The driver was already shuffling her bags to the grassy lot and a second later he was back in the vehicle, a deep furrow playing across his brow.

“What are you waiting for? Get off then.” He said gruffly, while adjusting the little tree air freshener that was hanging from the mirror. Beth noted that the moment of him feeling sorry for her had evaporated. She tossed seventy dollars into his palm and gathered her phone and pack of gum into her bag. “Thank you…” She smiled and he huffed a little before driving off in the same direction he had just driven.

Bethelynn’s first thought was to wave down the grumpy old man. She had known him for not more than a couple hours yet she felt like he was one of  of the few people she did know. The grass below her dainty heels seemed to pull her down and will her to drop down and cry. But she told herself she was stronger than that. At least for now.  instead she slid a stick of gum into her mouth and surveyed the area.

“So I order a plot of land and this is what I get?” A wave of anger rushed over her and she was confused when she saw just how big the lot was. There was a makeshift fence separating her new land from the rest of the town. It seemed to expand into infinite green. She could barely make out the houses of the neighbors behind the trees and bushes. She already knew that they were full sized mansions with shiny windows and full porches. She had known that this was the rich part of town ever since she was a child. She felt a tad bit of shame by looking at her own puny dwelling. If you could actually call it that. It really was just a queen sized bed, which was set up by the local furniture store, in the middle of somewhere very close to nowhere. Beth brushed her hand across the gold colored metal of the bed frame and eventually collapsed onto it. The fabric seemed to envelop her. She tried to ease her pulsing nerves and she curled up in the covers and imagined that the pale blue sky was a ceiling, the grass was a floor and the trees that were spread around her were walls. She felt immeasurably safer when she could think of her situation like this.

When she woke up a few hours later, the fog that had clouded her vision in a faint haze was clearer, and she surveyed her surroundings with renewed spirits. She spit her gum into the garbage can that was parked near the side of the street. She then saw the little wood mailbox with a bright red flag pointed to the sky. “SWANN” had been tacked on to the side in a bold black font, probably by the happy real estate agent who finally sold the giant lot that nobody really wanted. She carefully opened the mailbox which still smelled like fresh pine. There were only a few small pieces of parchment and most of them were from the people of Twinbrook. The majority of them read with things along the lines of “We missed you! Come see us anytime!” or “Welcome home!”. Just the feeling of all these once known people sending her kind letters gave her the chills. She was sure not to read the names since it would only send her into uncontrollable sobs. But as she was flipping through the mail, her fingers caught hold of a thick piece of folded cardstock paper. It had dark veins around the edges, and the writing inside was clearly inked in dark purple permanent marker.

You’ll Always Be My Love.

-Johnny B-

Bethelynn read it more than once. She read it more than ten times. Thirty times. She took in the way the “A” curved on the right and how the “love” was written bigger than the rest. She checked to see the return address but found it empty. The stamp was in the image of a retro car, cherry red and shining beautifully. She didn’t even feel her heart pumping her chest. She shook up all her memories of a “Johnny B” but came up with nothing except a song she couldn’t even place the lyrics to.

A part of Beth wished that the letter was from the land developer or from a person who had flubbed on a postal address. Unrequited love was never part of her life. But the marker smelled so fresh, and the words seemed to curve and flutter off the page in a way that only love letters can. So she zipped open a bag from home and pulled out a roll of dark blue painters tape. Bethelynn stuck it to the post of her bed. She suddenly had the realization that upon all the stresses and anxieties and uneasiness in her life already when she moved into Twinbrook, she now had a not-so-faraway lover to worry about. Bethelynn just laughed and thanked God that she wasn’t a worrywart, because then she would probably implode.

But the note did bring out even more emotions she hadn’t felt in…longer than she could remember.  And this town, the one she once knew so well, made her feel on the edge of something she needed so badly. A tear slipped across her cheek before she knew what was happening. She was angry at herself for crying. But instead of getting angrier, she hoisted the old pink guitar on her shoulder and started strumming loudly. She was actually pretty glad the lot was so big at that moment since the music that was coming from the wooden instrument was earsplitting. She had only taken it up, hearing it was a requirement for the job she had applied for here. Bethelynn tried to forget about who had given it to her. But his name was grinded into her thoughts; a part of her. Stop thinking about Marc…

“Johnny B, who could you be? Johnny B, who could you be?” Beth sang off tune, yet it was still melodic, the sound jumping off the trees gently. She had been singing since she was five and a half, where she would use flashlights as microphones and bring tears to her parents eyes at choir recitals. If there was one thing Mom and Dad loved about me, it was my singing, Bethelynn thought.

“Bethelynn Swann, who could you be? Bethy Swann, who could you be?” Her words searched for an answer but couldn’t find one. She finally sighed and walked over to the edge of the sidewalk and called another taxi.

“Can you take me to the theater?” She thought about adding more details but then realized the town was small enough that it only had one theater. The perky woman on the other end said she would be right on her way. While she waited Beth looked around her new homestead. It had looked so much more idealistic on the Sunset Valley library computer. LARGE AND LUSH – BUILD YOUR DREAM HOME HERE! She rolled her eyes and wondered why she was suckered into this. You know why Beth, you know why. Bethelynn battled with the part of her mind that knew why she had chose this less than idea spot to call her home. She did know why, and it all, of course, had to do with Marc. When is it not, Beth thought.

In the next three minutes, a bright yellow cab was parked in the huge cul-de-sac that was by her giant lot. Bethelynn waved and smiled to the fawn haired woman who was wearing a tiny smile on her face. Before she left, Beth stuffed her bags under the bed and hoped that Twinbrook’s crime rates weren’t as high as Sunset Valley’s. She grabbed only one of her bags and her guitar and case, and slipped inside the cab.

“Thank you.” Bethelynn gave the driver a generous tip and ducked off before another taxi driver recognized her from the grim pictures scattered on the news. Beth covered her face with her long chestnut hair and looked up at the tall brick building, which despite the dust that covered most of Twinbrook, was clean and lovely. Movie posters covered the walls and the ground had a geometric pattern that crissed and crossed. And then there were the stars. Laid tactfully around the perimeter were golden symbols of the famous actors and singers and musicians of the town of Twinbrook.

There were plenty of them. Their names engraved in cursive and tossed with glitter. Bethelynn was taken slightly aback. It had been six years since seeing the stars at the theater, yet they all still gleamed the same. It made Beth a little angry that the town hadn’t changed quite as much without her living in it. It still felt quiet, yet had an undertone of excitement.

“BETH! BETH! I THOUGHT WE WOULD NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!” Yelled a old woman sitting behind the ticket booth. Bethelynn knew who it was as soon as she heard the shrill voice. She smiled, yet still had a nervous feeling in her chest. You can’t hide what happened, she told herself, everyone will look at you in a different way but don’t get hurt by it. They’re just worried about you. The girl who grew up here is now the girl on the news. Bethelynn told herself then waved to the woman.

“Hello Miss.Marjorie. How are you?” Bethelynn walked over to the stand where the woman was staring at Beth, a small glass spectacle propped on her left eye.

“How am I doing? How about you sweetheart? I’ve heard about it all…” The tiny old woman lost her joyful tone and slipped into light despair. “I loved your parents. What with your mom’s smile and your daddy’s  green eyes…They were the beauties of Twinbrook.” Bethelynn looked down at her delicate orange heels,which was her favorite color. She was past tearing up at her parent’s mention, but still felt a tight grasp in her throat when someone brought them up. Miss.Marjorie took notice.

“I’m so sorry hon.” The white haired woman suppressed her own tears as Beth smiled weakly at her. Beth had learned that putting on that brave smile and acting like everything was OK was better than wallowing in the hard past. She looked the woman in the eyes, and remembered all the nights she and her best friend, Marc had spent at the theater. But just as Beth thought of his name, she tucked it back. Not right now, not right now, she thought.

“I’m sorry I brought all that up Bethy, I know you came for the job.” Miss.Marjorie pulled out a crisp white paper with Beth’s playful scrawl printed across it. “It came in a few days ago. Very good resume, I’m sure our little theater is ready for the next great musician. This Lady GaGa, is really getting on my old nerves.” She handed Beth a piece of lined paper with a name printed neatly in the middle. “That’s where you need to go to officially pick up the job. Hes the manager, even though all he really does is funnel in more money to keep this place going.” She scowled. Anyway, be nice, be cordial, but don’t let him take advantage of you. He’ll do anything for a pretty little thing, and you fit the bill. He thinks that since he was something back in the day, he’s entitled to all the Twinbrook ladies. If I wasn’t so old he’d be all over me too.” She scowled even deeper although just the tiniest sparkle in her eye gave way to the fact that she would actually like it if that happened. “But listen to me ramble on, 53 years in a lonely theater booth does this to me. Off you go sweetie!”

[CLICK NEXT PAGE BELOW]

Advertisements

21 responses

  1. So much to say! Wow! Just… wow!

    Okay, first off, I love the fact that your founder has a history in the town and is returning after a tragic situation. It makes you connect with both her and the people of Twinbrook right away.

    Normally, I don’t like when people make characters with tormented, tragic pasts, because I find they rely on it too much and use it as a crutch to excuse the fact that their character is flat and underdeveloped, but you pulled off Beth well. It takes skill as a writer to balance on that line successfully.

    You have excellent command of imagery, though I will warn you about the dangers of veering away from imagery and driving into Purple Prose territory. Purple Prose is basically when an author goes overboard with flowery descriptions to the point where it bogs down the plot and makes the readers feel like they’re wading through sludge while reading. There were a few points where the story started to drag because you were attaching long, flowery descriptions to things that weren’t really necessary. When writing, try to pick out the things that are important to describe and which things can be let go for the sake of keeping the plot moving at a steady pace.

    Something I find helpful is re-reading my chapter after I’ve written it and in each scene, asking myself two questions: 1. Does this scene/narrative help further the plot? 2. Does this scene/narrative help develop a character? If the answer to both those questions is no, then the scene can be tossed, because it’s not really adding anything to the story and is bogging it down.

    Now, all criticism aside, I think you’re an excellent writer. One of the best I’ve seen online in a long time. You drew me in and made me connect with Beth right away and apart from those few points where you got a bit too Purple Prose happy, I was very impressed with the writing and the way the chapter flowed.

    I hope you’ll take my criticism to heart and use these suggestions to improve your writing even further. Keep improving and putting out excellent chapters. I’m adding this blog to my blog roll.

    🙂

    Ashleigh

    July 31, 2010 at 3:18 am

    • Of course I’ll take it to heart, and I so appreciate Constructive Criticisms.(I always seem to put it in caps hehe.) I love hearing where I can improve because I know I have a ton to improve on. 🙂

      I do go off on some tangents at times, and I laugh because you’re right,I get caught up describing to many things and then it’s just a big fluffy mess. One of my teachers a long time ago said “Your writing is fine…But when you go into literary dreamland, its like eating to much cotton candy, its sweet at first, but then it just starts to make your stomach hurt.” I was all moody and sad about it at the time, but now I realize he is totally right.

      And thank you times a thousand! I’ve been reading your legacy ever since the beginning and have loved it dearly. I’ll be sure to not be so afraid and start commenting more on your posts.

      I’ve added you as well.

      July 31, 2010 at 6:03 am

      • Haha, I like that analogy. I may use that when helping out others. It describes what purple prose feels like to read perfectly. ^^

        Oh, I love comments! I’m looking forward to reading some more comments from you. I’m also looking forward to more chapters of The Swann Legacy.

        July 31, 2010 at 6:43 am

      • 🙂 Yay!

        I have to get my butt in gear then and write some more. I just get sucked into playing and then its two in the morning and its too late to get onto wordpress.

        And I forgot to say that a lot of the parts about the water and how when Beth was just getting into town she was nervous about it (Like when she was crossing the bridge on the taxi) that it actually has plot to it. I just kicked myself for making it so vague. Darn, I guess I’ll have to elaborate next chapter. Has to do with Beth’s parents and their death. 😦

        July 31, 2010 at 6:57 am

  2. Lizz

    So I totally just lurked my way over here. Because I’m kind of creepy and stalking amazing legacies is fun~
    This is really, really, really good. Not to sound useless, but I do agree with what Ashleigh said to a T. You really are a great writer.

    One little issue, a couple grammar mistakes here and there. I’m not meaning to be overly picky, it’s just something I notice. You’re/your, small little things.

    I am definitely excited for more, it’s so hard to find a good legacy these days! ♥

    July 31, 2010 at 9:34 am

    • Oh darn, I know I screwed up with revising and editing. I really have to take more time to put in the extra hours to check over all that. I only take about 15 minutes to look over everything, and I know in my heart there are tone of stupid mistakes. I’ll most definitely work on this in the future. 🙂

      And thank you so much. I tend to get carried away with writing so there are things that are useless in there. hehe.

      And I know it is super hard to find a legacy where the only thing a person does is go to find a man and produce tons of kids. I just wanna slap them and say “life is more than that!”

      July 31, 2010 at 10:00 pm

  3. Sianystar

    Hah, this was well good 🙂 A really unusual opener, as others have said I like the concept of her returning to a place she’s lived in before rather than arriving somewhere out of the blue, it’s rather original.

    The stuff with DeAndre Wolf made me giggle, that was brilliantly written. I’m hoping that Bethelynn manages to stay one step ahead of him!

    August 2, 2010 at 7:06 am

    • Haha, that was my favorite part to write. I have to stage more confrontation scenes because it’s so fun to pull it all together. 🙂

      And that will be a challenge for Beth. I sense a bit of drama with all of that. 😉

      The next update should be coming out tomorrow or the next day.

      August 2, 2010 at 9:07 am

  4. Very nice start! Your screenshots are so lovely too. : )

    August 9, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    • Thank you a ton! As you can see on my blogroll you’re one of my favorite writers and I had a major “SQUUUEEE” moment.

      And that’s the magic of photoshop. I have to sneak my lens flare in there sometimes. 🙂

      August 9, 2010 at 10:22 pm

      • Wait, you’re not on my blogroll?? I swear you were. UPDATING 🙂

        August 9, 2010 at 10:26 pm

  5. Salt colored eyebrows! Love it.

    You’ve woven in several possible plot lines here. I like the vaguely sinister water reference. Take your time to develop them gradually, and you’ll be crafting a very engaging story.

    August 10, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    • Thank you a ton! 🙂

      And that’s what I was trying to do. Keep it so I can go a lot of different ways. And I will definitely take your advice. You’re right, a good plot doesn’t reveal all of their secrets in one sitting. 😉

      August 10, 2010 at 11:05 pm

  6. Wow this was awesome! I checked it out after you added me to your blogroll and now I’m adding you to mine. I can’t wait to see what happens to Beth.

    August 11, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    • Thank you! *hugs*

      Every legacy I read inspires me when I write. I’m thinking in the next few chapters I’ll toss in a bit of insanity, which is what you’re so great at writing on!

      Thanks again!

      August 11, 2010 at 9:01 pm

  7. Absolutely wonderful! I love how much you connect with Beth and I too want to slap the legacy writers who don’t plot their story.

    I couldn’t find the plot of land used for legacies at Twinbrook! Guess I’ll have to go looking again. Hope you continue for a long time! 😀

    August 18, 2010 at 3:04 am

    • Yay! Thanks! I’ve been feeling down today and your comment helped a bunch! 🙂

      And that was the magic of deleting a house that was already there. I was so mad when I saw how EA left out a 60×60 lot. 😦

      August 18, 2010 at 3:18 am

      • Samantha

        Your welcome! Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. 🙂

        August 18, 2010 at 3:52 am

        • Of course! It already looks really cool, I love that header image you have. 🙂

          August 18, 2010 at 4:01 am

  8. I love your legacy! I also love that shes returning to her hometown. Your founder is beautiful… I can’t wait to continue reading. I hope its okay if I add you to my blogroll.

    August 26, 2010 at 4:23 am

    • Oh my gosh, after four hours of extreme conditioning at soccer practice, your comment made me feel so much better! 🙂

      And thank you again! I’ll add you too, and when I take a shower and take a nap I’ll read some more.

      August 26, 2010 at 6:34 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s